Don't say yes until I finish talking

The Vampire Diaries

Season 3 episode 14 – “Dangerous Liaisons”

Dear Diary,  

What a lovely night, a finer night you know you'll never see.

Bloodied champagne flowed, hearts were broken, so were hands, ancient evils conspired to destroy the family that they had broken all the laws of nature, physics and Murphy to grant immorality, boys wore tuxedos, girls were taffeta, hybrids drew really, really fast and no permanent deaths.

Wahoo, take that Mystic Falls morality rate, nobody stayed dead at this town event.

In "Dangerous Liaisons" we were all cordially invited to the Mikaelson family's "annual" (when Klaus hasn't got us trapped in coffins) ball and while we may have been excited to attend, I'm pretty sure I could name a number of guests who wished they'd never received the invite.

The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true.

  After having not been asked by any of her love interests to the dinner of a thousand and one twists, the murder and resurrection of her roommate and the town's only teacher, an early evening attack from a vengeful Rebekah and a heroic rescue from the one and only Elijah (he's lasted more than one episode so far, think positively) you'd think Elena would be entitled to a nap but no. There is no rest however for the doppelganger of the wicked. The returning Mama original, who had previously spent the early episodes of season 3 trying to kill her via ghost Vicki, expects Elena to get all dressed up in one of her readily available ball gowns, come all the way to the Original Manor a few streets over, give up her blood for a magical spell, all while giving her the time to royally screw over at least six of her boyfriends. Some people!

I know some critics and fans give Elena a bad rap, but I have never had a real problem with her.

Sometimes she makes the wrong decision (miss you Jeremy) but on other occasions, for example the times when she openly admitted that she never wanted to be a vampire or took matters into her own hands, like calling Elijah’s bluff in season 2, she has shown a strength and sense of character a lot of fictional heroines miss. So it is with a heavy heart and font that I’ll admit that I spent the majority of the episode wanting to smack her on the back of the head and shout what are you doing?   

Danger Will Robinson, beware thousand year blonde witches that are promising to end all your problems tax free.

At least ask what she wants your blood for before offering it freely. Between the spell that tied the original sibling’s fate together and the threat to Matt’s safety sprinkled throughout, I didn’t know if I was going to make it to the end of the episode at one point.

 Line Dancing

Yes, after promising sunshine and puppy dogs last week who was surprised that Mama original was not quite sincere about her offer of forgiveness. Nobody?

Yes, the witchy creator of the vampiric race was not too happy with her children.

She knew when they were sleeping, and what they did when they were awake. She knew that they were more bad, than good. Why? Because of all the murder, and stripping of free will and destruction of private property for goodness sake.

Her plan was a simple one for having spent a thousand years to think about it.Using Elena's blood (remember Petrova blood was used to create the originals cause Klaus and Elijah couldn't learn to share) she would link her sort of killable children with her unkillable one, so that when one died they all would.

With eldest son Finn aboard, it's a pretty solid plan considering this is Mystic Falls, the land of bad plans.Though I have a feeling not all her children will be to happy with her, but I'm sure it will all be cool. 

None of the Originals have uncontrollable rage issues right?

It’s not a bad plan though. I bet Buffy would have loved a “kill one, kill them all spell” like this.

That being said, they kill off Elijah, I will pout severely. You have been warned.

Kol can go. He hurt Matt. We shall never be friends. 

Once more around the dance floor:

-We shouldn't be shipping Klaus and Caroline right? That's wrong? That’s not a good thing? Help.

-The land of love triangles is never a happy place is it.When she wasn’t signing the fates of the world’s oldest vampire family, Elena was breaking the hearts of Delena shippers everywhere. Between having his neck snapped by his younger brother/love rival and Elena’s dismissal of his love declaration Damon finally snapped and before our eyes, he and his magnificence eyebrows transformed back into awesomely savvy and sexy season 1 Damon. It was glorious. Sir, you have been missed.

-Elena and Stefan once again had the same conversation they have been having all season: 

Stefan: I don't care. I eat people. Your feelings me nothing to me.
Elena: But I love you.
Stefan: I left town without leaving a note so obviously you must be super mad at me still despite that being the opposite of everything you've said since the beginning of season.
Elena: But I love you so much, even if you spent week’s literally tearing people into pieces and threatened to turn me into a vampire on the exact spot my parents died.
Stefan: Not even a thing to me madam. Good day.
Elena: Stefan. Stefan. Stefan.
Stefan: I said good day.

-Of course Matt could accidently charm a vampiric mean girl into postponing his murder by giving her his jacket.

-The formal wear and events businesses must make a killing in Mystic Falls.

Elena entered the party escorted on the arm of both Salvatore brothers. How to sum up a show's initial premise in 30 seconds of screen time or less.  

-Rebecca is a great character. She goes from ancient evil to high school girl looking for affection with ease.

-The introduction of the rest of the Originals was seamless. It never felt like they were imposing or didn’t fit into this already very well-established and character filled world. For characters we have just met to be able to carry a large portion of the episode is a testament to the skill of the writers and actors.

-I think they should find more excuses to wear tuxedos. That is all.

That is all for this “Dangerous Liaisons.”

Until next episode maybe if everyone concentrates really, really hard and we find a couple of hundred shooting stars to wish upon, we can make it so Elijah didn’t actually drink the magic blood champagne of death (I may be in denial, I’ll work on it.) 

I hope you saved the last dance for me,

Hanniebee 

One Direction

Once Upon a Time

Season 1 episode 9 -   “True North”

Once upon a time I may or may not have named my recap after a popular boy band to lead a stray fan to my blog.

It’s like I created something that I knew people couldn’t resist to lead them into a situation completely different to what they were expecting.

It’s to say if you will and I shall: You build a candy house; the children will come, eat it, than push you into an oven.

But in this case it’s One Direction fans.

Don’t worry my sister’s mad at me about this too.

If you were expecting a tribute to the to the boy band I am very sorry, but you should stay anyway because this will be fun.

Its complicated emotion drama and desserts and what could be better than that.

Butter:

We return to Storybrooke, the realm of forgotten identities and familial disasters to witness the trails of two young children, who just couldn’t seem to escape having Regina ruin their lives in one way or another.

Ava Zimmer (Karley Scott Collins) and Nicolas Zimmer (Quinn Lord) like our other storybook friends get dealt a rough hand in our reality. With their mother gone and their father’s whereabouts unknown, the troubled twosome have had to resort to stealing from the world’s sleepiest cashier to survive. That is before they get busted by the new Sheriff’s son.

Sheriff Swan who never knew her that her parents were magically trapped in a cursed town and therefore was shipped from home to home, instantly identifies with the siblings whose fate with to be sent to separate foster homes in Boston seems sealed. Especially after all of Regina’s nudging, and the lack of parental commitment from their father Michael (Nicholas Lea)  who had not even been aware of their existence.

Whether Regina was fighting to have the Zimmer children sent away to spite Emma or because she was still angry at them from rejecting her once upon time (see Gravy below) she eventually got her way with a defeated Emma accepting her Sheriff duties to drive the children all the way to Boston herself.

That Emma is very lucky that all the majority of villains in Storybrooke all have amnesia or she would never have time for trips like this.

But wait, what was this, the car broke down. Was this the mystically magical curse’s way to stop the lonely police woman and her passengers from leaving Storybrooke or was it some cunning trickery on Emma’s part?

If you guessed cunning trickery, you are correct. You see, Ava and Nicolas’s father as we saw earlier owed a tow truck and upon looking at his children for the first time decides to give being a family ago.

Who doesn’t love a happy ending?

Gravy:

Regina that’s who, of happy endings she is not a fan. Except maybe her own, but even that is not without its blonde haired loop holes.

In the Fairy Tale plain of existence, Ava and Nicholas’s fabled counterparts turned out to be none other than Hansel and Gretel. 

One fine day they are just hanging out in the enchanted forest (they don’t call it that but it totally is) with their dad, the Woodcutter when said father suddenly vanishes and they are confronted by the evil Queen who is wearing the most spectacular outfit an evil Queen could possibly travel in.

It seems that the evil Queen needs a set of little children to go into a candy house, not touch anything and bring her back a satchel with an unknown trinket inside, all while avoiding an evil blind witch. Piece of cake, right?

Turns out, it’s not as easy as you may think. I know!Though it might have been easier if Hansel had followed Gretel‘s lead, to not eat anything in the forbidden gingerbread house. Didn’t he learn anything from Aladdin; you don’t touch anything in the Cave of Wonders.

In truth I am kind of glad he did, because it leads to an excellent piece of guest star selection.

It’s Emma Caulfield, aka Anya from Buffy the Vampire Slayer as the blind witch. Yes! I approve. Well done people who cast OUAT.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer is one of my all-time favourite Television shows and to see any of its alumni again causes me to want and do the snoopy dance.

Unfortunately as happens with most villains, the heroes prevail and she gets trapped in an oven and set on fire by the evil Queen with a fire ball sent through a magic mirror.

Farewell Anya, it was nice knowing you. Hopefully you will show up somewhere in Storybrooke if you’re not entirely dead. You’ll like it. From my knowledge, nowhere near a hell mouth.

The Queen, whose prize was far more valuable than the children she continually sent into the witch’s lair, finally gets the weapon she’ll use against her powerful enemy. An apple. See what they did there?

Is it kind of hilarious that the whole quest at this point turned into a public service announcement for healthy eating?

Eat the cookie house get eaten by an evil witch. Find an apple an evil Queen will offer you presents.

The Queen who was impressed by the children’s success offers up everything a little kid could probably dream of and more, but the bond of family is stronger.

Regina who as always takes rejection like a pro sends the children off to the enchanted forest to follow the compass their father gave them, the one that would always point in the direction of their family, to search for the man they think abandoned them forever? I hope they had the foresight to pack a lot of extra breadcrumbs.

I know he didn’t abandon him, you know he didn’t abandon them, but Regina does. Ending up, trying to keep the family away from each other in both worlds. That is what makes her evil.

Plus you know all the other stuff she’s done.

One thing so you know what makes you beautiful:

-          -Emma and Mary Margaret have some very nice mother and daughter moments this episode. Particularly with Emma finally revealing who Henry thinks his grandma really is and Mary Margaret having a moment of possible recollection over Emma’s baby blanket.

-         - On her hunt for Ava and Nicolas’s father Emma had Mr Gold trace the origin of the siblings compass and who would have thought, Mr Gold knew exactly which card the dad’s name was on. The catch. The card was blank- what does this mean? I have a theory, but it could be bunnies?

-        -  Emma spun Henry a nice little tale about his birth dad didn’t she? Very neat, very tidy, very inspiring and I dare say just a little bit fairy tale.

-         - As the episode came to a close and Emma and Henry shared a moment, the sounds of a motorcycle hummed through the town of Storybrooke as a stranger drove into town. But outsiders don’t come into Storybrooke. I guess they do now.

Now bringing hot guys on motorcycles will not appease the sadness I still feel over the loss of Graham but if this is how you want to play it so be.

Ok, that’s it for “True North” until next episode which was written by another Buffy graduate, the very talented Jane Espenson, who brought us such as episodes as when band candy caused Buffy’s mum and Giles to behave like teenagers and  the time Buffy fought a robot, so I’m excited

Keep Calm, nobody else knows what they’re doing either

Downton Abbey

Season 2 episode 7

In the words of John Lennon “War is over.”

In the words of Violet Crawley, Dowager Countess of Grantham “Don’t be defeatist, dear, it’s very middle class.”

As the final pieces of the hospital are taken away from Downton Abbey, we find ourselves gazing upon an estate and its residents returning to their normal state. Which luckily for us, “normal state” means secrecy, romance, medical negligence, suspicion, betrayal, yelling, baking and various dinner scenes.

Yes, post-war life had officially begun for our favourite aristocrats and friends, and boy did they come out swinging.

Robert and the Help: It seems that all it took was a few sideward glances and some light fawning from new maid Jane (Clare Calbraith) to kick Lord Grantham’s mid-life crisis into high gear.

 Looking ahead to his life after the war, Robert laments that “before the war my life had value, I suppose I should like to feel that again.” Jane, who gives him her full attention and appreciation is just what Robert’s ego ordered, resulting in a number of sequences I feel like I should have been watching through my fingers due to sheer awkward horribleness.

Mr Bates in the kitchen with the rat poison: Oh Bates. Why must the writers hurt you so?

Afraid that the police will discover that he was the one who had purchased the rat poison that Vera had consumed before her death, Bates considered talking to the police in order to put a stop to any suspicion that may be thrown his way.

I bet he’s regretting all the “former Mrs Bates” comments now.

It goes to show that you must always be careful with what you say, just in case your vindictive ex-wife stages her own murder in order to continue to ruin your life from beyond the grave.

Driving Miss Sybil: After years and years of pining, rebuffs and slightly passive aggressive declarations of love, Sybil and Branson are getting married. That’s good, I guess.

Honestly, I understand and respect the appeal of them as a couple, but I have never really been a fan of Sybranson.

I know, I know, I don’t know what’s wrong with me either. I was a fan of Branson first season, he was the cool Irish rebel who rescued and care about Sybil but now I find him to be really off-putting. He wouldn’t accept any comprises in order to fit Sybil’s lifestyle with his, describing her upbringing and the people in her life in not very nice terms after basically declaring that she was in love with him despite her many, many protests.

Maybe she was in love with him, but in my opinion Sybil’s reason for wanting to marry him now, has more to do with her lack of purpose now that the war is over and the fact that he represents freedom from the future her family expects. She is in love with the idea of what Branson symbolizes, rather than the chauffeur himself. Which makes me a little sad for Branson. Until he starts yelling at someone again.

Flour power: I know it’s probably wrong but how good did it feel to see Thomas get his comeuppance. 

Thomas who is too searching for his purpose after the war (preferably one away from his servant-status at Downton) fell victim to what we could equivalent today to one of those “send me all your money and I will make you millions” e-mail scams. His gamble on the black market, selling supplies from a guy he met at the pub and didn’t get the name of, turned out to be a disaster, with the lesson we all must take away from this being taste-test before spending all your money on flour from a mysterious vendor.

Someone just find him the rum:  So stuff happened with Mrs Hughes and Ethel this episode and I’m sure it was powerful and well-written and very Downton Abbey-ish but I found myself not wanting to watch these particular scenes. It seems that my brain, the strange organ that it is could not connect the very talented actor, Kevin McNally who played the wonderful Mr Gibbs in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, with the rude jerk who spent his screen time yelling at everyone. Take the baby and run Ethel, take him and run.

-Side Lunch Bar- Who would have thought however, that Mr Bryant’s moustache would be even bigger and more remarkable than his son’s. That Charlie is going to have some impressive facial hair when he grows up –End of Meal-

Mary and the Cad: Speaking of people that should run, did anyone else fear for Mary and Anna’s safety during this episode, emotionally and physically. Richard, ever the charmer, decided that he would have Anna, the docile housemaid report back to him every person that Mary saw, talked to, thought about, or whose pictures Mary drew hearts around anytime he wasn’t around. Not counting on loyalty or the fact that Anna is the best, he eventually found himself without a spy and a man to run his household.

Upon hearing about the mogul’s scheme, Carson a man of honour unlike some people (cough, Richard) takes back his offer to join Mary at the site of her sure-to-fail marriage.

Mary as you can imagine did not take the news very well.

Walk this way: This however was the least most important event to occur this episode because, Matthew can walk again! Huzzah! Heirs all around!

It seems that Dr. Clarkson, had doubted and therefore chosen to ignore the opinion of a second unseen doctor, who had diagnosed Matthew’s injuries as a case of spinal shock rather than a case of permanent paralysis in order to deprive him of any hope, whether it was false or not. That is a malpractice suit if ever I’ve imagined seeing one. Matthew’s a lawyer still right?

With this development all cards are back on the table and Violet, the most awesome and wise, not only knows it, but is the first to actively address and do something about it.

Going to Matthew’s bedroom (the scandal) Violet urges Matthew to reconsider Mary, the woman he actually loves.

Matthew however could not be schooled by the Dowager Countess, feeling obliged to marry Lavinia, who had previously agreed to essentially spend the rest of her life being his nurse.

But, isn’t it better to marry someone you truly love than someone you feel indebted to?

Yes, Mary and Matthew that was directed at you?

Ok, that was episode seven of season 2, sadly we are nearing the end. Episode eight is next, the final one before the one after that.

Start making those “Free Bates” t-shirts, I have a feeling we are going to need them .

XO Damon

 The Vampire Diaries 

Season 3, episode 13- “Bringing out the dead”

Dear Diary, in the first two minutes of this episode Klaus and Elijah got into a giant fist fight in the middle of his newly renovated mansion, Caroline and Matt got more screen time, four of the hottest brother’s on television sat down for dinner and mysterious coffins were opened just in time for everyone to get dressed up in time for episode 14. Oh Diary, it’s like the writer’s had been reading, well you.

Yes people of the world or the two people reading this, this was a good episode. Well, I think so, you can disagree. To begin Elijah’s back!! I may have mentioned this last recap, but the point still stands and he got a haircut. What! You may ask. Someone lopped off the awesomeness that was his hair. Don’t panic, it looks great. The hair doesn’t make the man; the man is just attractive no matter what.

I will give you five more minutes to visualize and then we shall begin. Ready.

Family it seems is the watch word this episode, with each of our characters dealing with some family drama or the other.

“Hey Stefan, remember when you killed dad? Might want to dial down the judgement until dessert.”

We caught the original Salvatore in the middle of a squabble this episode. You know, about the usual brotherly stuff:    

“You kissed my ex-girlfriend!”

“You tried to drive her off a bridge!”

“You released an ancient but attractive killing machine that royally screwed us over the last time he was around!”

“Stop rearranging my giant bowl of soaps!”

Stefan, for some reason mad about the release of Elijah (Shut up Stefan, they will hear you and take him away again) and is still all about the downfall of Klaus, reluctantly, as in he really has no other choice in the matter, agrees to dining and dancing at the Original Manor.

Damon, the mastermind of the elder original vampire’s release has organised a sit-down between some of television’s hottest brothers (Not every hot brother on TV was there. The Winchesters weren’t there. The Winchesters would kill them) so that Bonnie and her mum had time to open the Klaus-killing coffin.

Elijah, who had been made aware of his circumstances surrounding his release through a Damon signed love letter that had been left in his coffin and seemed to be all aboard the Hybrid killing train. As you discover though, like everybody else at the dinner party, he was working his own entirely different angle.

The dinner party scenes were awesome. The actors looked like they were having a blast and the characters they are portraying despite the complicated back stories, still move and act like two sets of brothers.  All four very different from each other, but they are not without their similarities.

For one thing as we find out, but kind of suspected, they have all been in love with someone that looked exactly like Nina Dobrev.

It seems that many moons ago, Elijah and Klaus loved Tatia, the original Petrov, an exquisite beauty from there village who already had a son. It seems Klaus and Elijah couldn’t play nice over their shared loved, so like any good mother would do when her kids misbehave, she took their toy away.

Then she used its play in a powerful magic spell to create a brand-new race of monsters.

Mums, they do the wackiness things.  

The story of the thousand year old love triangle, seemed to resonated with Stefan and Damon, but not enough to agree to Klaus’s plan to let Elena live a long and happy life as his own private hybrid   fuel station, if the Salvatore’s leave her alone.

The tag team duo of broodier ad broodier just give up the Gilbert can they even if it means that she is most likely going to end up becoming a vampire or turning up dead. Oh supernatural love triangles and your pesky morality problems.

In a moment set to mess up, yet delight shippers of all ages, Damon and Stefan, who is expressing emotions that we still knew he had in him, acknowledge the fact that they are both in love with the same woman, except neither of them seem to happy about it.

“You are exactly who your mother and I hoped you’d grow up to be.”

Let’s take a moment to remember the life of Bill Forbes. Father, husband, ex-husband, vampire hunter, councilman. You hurt Caroline, we may never forgive you.

I don’t think it is possible to praise the actors on this show enough, but wow they are not too shabby.

Candice Accola knocked it out of the park as the young girl grieving for not only the loss of her father, but also for the fact that he would rather die they become the one thing he hates that she can’t change about herself.

If your heart didn’t break for the Forbes family during this episode I’m sorry but you may just be made of cement. Or compelled, which I’ll accept.

“I refuse to believe that your luck with women is that tragic.”

The death of Bill Forbes brought back a lot of painful memories for Elena in “Bringing out the dead.” Because this show moves so slow but so much still happens, you forget that not too long ago Elena lost her own father as well. In fact, young Miss Gilbert has lost five parental figures in the time it took to even cast Bonnie’s mum. The fact that she is still able to comfort Caroline through her own grief is pretty remarkable and completely justifies why she wants to hang onto the only member of her family she has left under her roof.

The dynamic between Elena and Alaric is really great to watch. She doesn’t look down on his whisky dialling ways and he doesn’t play the “I’m the adult” card. They both care and take care of each other, and that is helping them get through all this madness, which includes Alaric’s increasingly disastrous love life.

There were two surprises in store for the gut-busting Gilberts and swash-buckling Saltzman’s when they awoke that day:

1.    The Sheriff was doing actual police work. I’m pretty sure she was breaking like all the chain of command guidelines for evidence, but still its police work.

2.    The stake used to kill Meredith’s ex-boyfriend wasn’t Buffy’s but was part of the Gilbert’s arsenal complete with Elena’s finger prints.

Why everyone’s minds went straight to Meredith and not Katherine, who does share many of the same traits that Elena does.

After a long night of sadness at the Forbes house, Elena accompanied by Matt (who is perfection, you know, I know, more and more people should know it) arrives home to find that Alaric has been redecorating the Gilbert house with his own death scene (why he went upstairs after being stabbed, I think is going to haunt me forever.)

Elena, a magical creature in her own right, has to now stab her friend and the closest thing to a father-figure she has left.

I’m glad Matt hugged. If there is anyone who constantly needs a reassuring hug it is Elena.

“We’ve been at this for over an hour!”

 

So Bonnie’s mum is back in Mystic Falls and despite constant reminders that she no longer has any magical powers having been expelled from Hogwarts, they still put her in the vampire-proof tomb to get her to figure out in one afternoon what they have been trying to do since Homecoming. Solid Planning.

I like how sassy it’s made Bonnie though. More of that please.

Those who have read my other Vampire Diaries recaps, firstly THANK YOU! And secondly you probably are aware of my feelings regarding the use of magic as a cure for all.

We need to kill Klaus, MAGIC. We need to stop Elena from turning into a vampire when she dies, MAGIC. We need to do other stuff this season, MAGIC.

Suddenly after just over 60 minutes of trying, Bonnie and Abby find a symbol in the margins of a book and know exactly how to open the magically sealed, shovel-proof coffin.

It works. Yay for progress!

“You’re free to go. This is family business.”

Someone who is not happy about the progress, Klaus.

 If you guessed that the Original Mama was inside the coffin or just saw Alice Evans in the credits at the beginning and figured out what was up, you are correct.

Elijah who has been playing the dutiful brother all night as Klaus threatens to barbeque Stefan reveals his master plan. The eldest Original has un-daggered the rest of his ancient siblings just in time for the mother of all mother issues walks through the door to wreck havoc on poor, poor Klaus’s afterlife.

He just wants to form an army and kill his enemies in peace and people just keep coming in and ruining it. As well as everyone did this episode, Joseph Morgan gets to take all the prizes. When his siblings started emerging from their forced slumber not very happy with him, the looks from horror to sadness to regret to  anger to just being a lost little boy whose brothers and sisters don’t love him anymore and whose afraid that his mum is there to punish him was fantastic.   

I do have to say I am a bit disappointed about the coffin reveal. I was pulling for Dracula or Count von Count from Sesame Street to emerge and take on Mystic Falls.

“I count three, three love triangles AH AH AH AH AH AH.”

So that is where we leave our vampiric, witchy, hybrid and human friends. The Original Witch is back offering smiles and happiness which I’m sure is not at all a front for some other master plan we have yet to discover yet and Meredith apparently has an alibi for “murdering” Alaric. Yay progress!

Until next time when people will be wearing tuxedos and I will try very hard to pay attention to the story line.

Try not to fall in love with any doppelgangers while I’m gone,

Hanniebee.