You should have bought a squirrel

The Vampire Diaries

Season 4 episode 11 – “Catch me if you can”

Dear Diary,

A vampire, a hunter and a Quarterback walk into a bar. They are greeted by a hybrid who has just killed every single person in the bar and is waiting for them to transition. The Hunter is shocked and appalled, as is his friend the quarterback. The vampire however is very non-plus about the whole thing he’s all “rah rah it’s the only way rah rah I want to sleep with your sister again rah”

The hybrid tells them that the hunter is to kill all the new vampires to complete the magic marker etching on his arm.

The hunter goes “this is a cure must be a really big deal for you?”

The hybrid rallies back “Not really, you should see me when something important is at stake!”

Hello, hello is this thing on. Ok, I might just compel you to forget that. You’re on vervain. I thought everyone had run out...........

WELCOME to season 4 episodes 11 of The Vampire Diaries, entitled “Catch me if you can.”

The Original Status: Was a movie, than a musical now it’s the name of this episode.

We open in the same situation we were in last week, like if there was a seven day break in between but nobody moved. Mystic Falls time, am I right?

What follows is a completely and fully compelling hour of television that leaves you wishing you had a Tardis on hand to whisk you onto the next instalment to find out what happens next (I lost my Tardis somewhere around the Triassic period, don’t tell my mother she doesn’t know I prefer it stay that way.)    

It’s a race!

Competition can be a good thing. It makes you work faster, push harder but it can also be dangerous. The movie Rat Race (from which this recap gets its name I thank you) while being very, very funny also highlights what people are willing to do when an unknown power offers them something they really, really, really want, while never questioning why they were given the opportunity in the first place. In the movie’s case it was John Cleese and a million dollars, in the case of the Vampire Diaries, it’s a crazy vampire-hating brotherhood and the possibility of a cure for what ails some of them.

There are three four teams currently in the race for the cure- Team “we are doing this for Elena,” Team “we hate our brothers,” Team “the boss is crazy, but he has his reasons,” and the newest runner Team “we make our minions bite out their own tongues than die.”

Every single one of them has their reasons and they are willing to do anything to get it.

The idea of the cure for vampirism has been dominating the lives of our Scrappy Gang since the season premiere (Bonnie went to the spirit world remember) and has reached such a fever pitch that nothing else matters to each group except getting it before someone else, so they can control its use. Even the moral compass of the show is willing to go to the extremes to get the magic spell (or drink or lotion- what is the cure even, can they share it, do they get a choice once it’s out in the open, why should they trust a the cure devised by a bunch of people designed to wipe out vampires? no-one asks these questions.)

A terrible, very not good, but it might work idea

A season back there was the question thrown around would, destroying an original vampire be worth killing the thousands of potentially innocent vampires like Caroline or “Stefan.” Was taking out the many worth it to save the lives of the few vampires they knew. At the time the answer was no (many because they didn’t know who belonged to what bloodline but still) this just a hop, skip and a car crash and sire bond later and suddenly the 1/5 of the world’s vampire population’s got to go.

This is a really fascinating and dark turn for Elena, that I love and I hope they address. Elena who has received a lot of (and often well-deserved) flack for her decisions and choices throughout the series run but in one pronouncement our lady of compassion has just decided to take out an entire line of vampires to save a few people, get a cure that she never really stated out right that she actually wanted and get her boyfriend back.

This show!

We’re the Mystic Falls police force. We don’t need jurisdiction.

Across town this episode in the land of equal poor decision making, Bonnie, who we learnt was very much under the thrall of Professor Shane, was also making a turn towards the dark side.

We know Shane is crazy, April and Rebekah know Shane is crazy and now the Mystic Falls high council know he’s crazy and they are not too happy about it. Does he know how long it took them to put their secret vampire-covering up club together, a really long time.

Bonnie, who put a lot of trust into a guy who drugs her with magic tea and gives her human bone as a present is unhappy to learn that he has not been giving her the full 411 on how dangerous her magic can be and is even more upset to learn that he killed a whole bunch of people.

This is when “Dark-Willow” Bonnie kicks in and it is scary and awesome.

What Stefan looks like when he doesn’t look like usually looks like to us

Other stuff that happened:

- “You don’t know what I look like when I’m not in love with you” may be the single greatest line ever. Sassy un-ripper Stefan was a delight to behold over the hour. He was snarky, he was sexy, he was angry, he was hurt, he was sexy.
-Stefakeh, Rebfan, Stebekah. Any other suggestions?
-All my nightmares start with Matt running through the woods and nearly being killed by a vampire so the first few seconds of this episode were not a good time for me.
-I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY don’t want them to kill Kol. He is just doesn’t want a monstrous man-witch unleashed on earth is that so wrong. As I stated before everyone is so wrapped up in finding the cure that they haven’t every thought of checking whether Kol is right about the danger of Silas. Dark, evil Bonnie is fun but has she every question or pushed harder to get Shane to open up why he wants this tomb unearthed. It’s all well and good to be human again but if Silas is as bad as he seems, maybe a few of them may want to reconsider staying immortal for a bit longer. Plus Kol used zeal in a sentence, don’t kill him.
-The most unintentionally hilarious thing ever- Damon running after Jeremy in the tunnels shouting that he was compelled and was going to kill him.

That is it for episode 11.  Until next time: Who was the behind the mystery team – Elijah, Katherine or Eric Northman? Will Kol make it to the spin-off series? What happened to Jeremy’s white tank top? These are important things we need to know!

Stay safe in the Gilbert house my friends ‘til we meet again or until a vampire compels us to think that we saw each other but we really didn't,

XOXOX

Hannie Bee 

Don't you forget about me

The Vampire Diaries
Season 4 episode 10 - "After School Special"

Dear Diary,

Carol Lockwood was dead to begin with.

In a swell of blood and violence and ironic, well chosen Christmas music, she left this world, free to play the mum of a different character on another supernatural show ( Teen Wolf forever!!) and once again, like many times before (see seasons 1 to 3) we are left with a void in Mystic Falls adulthood-dom.

If there ever needed to be a public service announcement in Mystic Falls, and really there should be many, it would have to be that in The Vampire Diaries: No parent is safe.

On that note, welcome Bonnie's Dad. We'll miss you.

Episode 10 opens in the midst of a memorial service for the late and great Mayor. There are candles, there are extras, and everyone’s sad but also grateful that there is no need to hold an election after this thing, because that's just how they roll.

But what is this, an intruder, at the Mystic Falls High school gym, someone call the guards. Yeah, I know there are no guards J but still there is an intruder, her name is Rebekah. She is displeased.

She’s also a gossip, two things that when put together are the touchstone of a truly phenomenon episode of television.

Not since the Breakfast club or any other teen drams that tried to emulate moments from the Breakfast Club, has so much heartbreaking, soul crushing honesty be sprouted within the walls of a school library. Though instead of a dance montage for our main characters, we have life or death chase scenes, water boarding and bone breaking werewolf shifting, but it’s kind of the same thing.

Magic daggers get pulled out all the time the world is an imperfect place

A lot had happened in Mystic Falls since Beks was unceremoniously put on hiatus by Stefan and Klaus all the way back in episode four, a simpler but sadder time, where Jeremy Gilbert’s arms were not needed as a part of the shows story main arc (a sad, sad time indeed.)  

Planning to play catch up Rebekah, used her new minion ally April, lured Elena away from the Mayor’s vigil and snapped herself right back into the thick of things (I think Connor would have appreciated that)

If your team Stelena I’d recommended skipping forward a few paragraphs because what goes down between the young Miss Gilbert and her first Salvatore suitor, is not pretty in pink, or any other colour.

Rebekah’s plan is a simple one, compel and destroy. And that she does.

Poor, poor Stefan, guess Katherine turning you and your brother into creatures of the night is not looking like to worst way to end a love triangle now.

That being said everything Elena was compelled to reveal about her feelings for the Vampchester brothers, no matter how brutal, was understandable. Damon made her feel alive where Stefan acts like maybe she was better off having stayed dead. She still loved Stefan but was in love with Damon.

That’s cool I get it, love, choices, yadda yadda but having to hear that the love of your life (who you were prepared to sacrifice your immortality for, as Rebekah kindly shared) and your brother (who you did sacrifice your freedom and succumbed to your worst self to save) were happy little vegemites as bright as bright can be, sire bond or not, would be utterly devastating.

Every single beat of these moments between Elena and Stefan was played beautifully by Nina Dobrev and Paul Wesley. The heartbreak, the anger, the confessions, from Elena’s love declaration to Stefan’s wish to forget he ever met her, were masterfully portrayed and made the scenes in the library more than just exposition.

Vampires move pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, they will eat you

Ok in other news, Jeremy’s arms. Ok, Matt’s arms. Jeremy arms, Matt’s arms, are we sure that this wasn’t actually the Christmas episode?

The Gilbert’s lake house was only a slightly less depressing place to be this episode.

Damon was still struggling with the “sire bond” in the room, listening to a saved phone message from Elena over and over again, taking the high road to growing Jeremy’s hunter’s mark rather than Klaus’s suggestion of murder and mayhem.

But that all quickly went out the Pizza girl’s car window. Following Elena’s confession of love (which was wonderful, how amazing is Ian Somerhalder’s face, honestly when he looked up at sky so happy I lost it) the eldest Salvatore suddenly found himself back on the dark side of the force once again.

Now is the sire bond a bad thing, YES, it’s very bad, go away, but if you have been holding out for it to become an interesting part of the show’s main story I think we are nearly there.

Elena has always been a big supporter of free will and while she claims to be ok with staying under the sire spell if that means being with Damon, how is she going to feel if Damon abuses the sire bond connection and orders her to be ok with the deaths of a bar full of citizens and putting her brother and one of her best friend’s in grave danger?

That’s all folks, just one last thing: The Originals Spinoff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m slightly excited.

Thank you for reading and hope you’ll join me again next week for episode 11: “Catch me if you can: the continuing tale of Jeremy Gilbert's biceps”

Remember we're all pretty bizarre. Some of just have the ability to compel you into forgetting it better, that’s all.

XOXO,

Hannie Bee

Taking this one to the grave

The Vampire Diaries

Season 4 episode 5 - "The Killer"

Dear Diary,

I know it's been awhile, a long while, at least a week, I had a cold but mostly I wasn't sure that I wanted to write this down, you see I’m not a vampire. I know! Just a writer who cares too much about the lives of fictional characters, their drama and the emotional love triangle that threatens to tear the internet apart. I mean I'm fine with it, being a vampire seems like a lot of fun but
honestly it'd be a lot of hassle without a daylight ring (I don't know any witches) and I'd never ever have enough wet wipes to keep my mouth clean, it's just that, everyone else was writing in their diary this episode and I was feeling a little left out. We good. Phew. Ok, now the episode.
　
Can you keep a secret?

The name of the game this hour was secrecy, even if very few characters realised it until the episode's end.

Professor Shane was keeping Connor in the dark about his hero origin story, Stefan and Klaus were keeping knowledge of the cure to themselves, Tyler and Hayley were keeping their real relationship status and mission from Caroline and Klaus, everyone was keeping everything from April and poor, beautiful Jeremy Gilbert realised he had been compelled again (he should really be sculling vervain hourly at this point shouldn't he)

Since no-one in Mystic Falls has yet to learn that keeping secrets is bad and terrible for one's health, the carefully built lies that they have all constructed for themselves imploded with explosive side effects.

RIP Connor. Goodbye Elena's sanity. Hello Slayer Jeremy.

Up in My Grill

We open "The Killer" with Connor dumping the head of his formally pierced, formally alive hybrid guard onto the table of his looted caravan. After a quick debrief with Professor Shane we learn that Connor was sent to Mystic Falls, land of a thousand Vampires, blind as a bat to learn about hybrids and Originals on the fly (Professor Shane, you’re a teacher, sending you in student unprepared and getting mad at them for failing the assignment, bad form.)

"I've written three books" Shane had promised Connor answers regarding his new ink (the hunter unaware of the tattoos map like qualities) but only once the mystical tattoo is complete.

The new plan: send Connor back to Mystic Fall's only restaurant, kidnap the last remaining humans on the show and take out all the vampires/hybrids needed to finish the magical ink print. Connor will learn his life purpose, Shane does whatever the hell he is going to do with this information and a whole lot of non-series regulars will have to start looking for work again, it's a simple plan right?

Ha, newbie’s there are no simple plans in Mystic Falls.

Once Connor sounds the alarm via mass text message (destroying a piece of product placement as he goes) the troop’s ensemble for mission "Save the Humans.” Unfortunately one member of the Scrappy gang was not being a team player.

Stefan having learnt about the Brotherhood of Merry Hunter’s last episode has made it his life's purpose to cure Elena of the vampirism that ails her but is being “forced” by Klaus to keep it a secret.

It is from this point on that the show's title could be changed from the "Vampire Diaries" to “Stefan Salvatore’s lessons in bad decision making."

Number 1- He knows that they can't kill Connor if they want a chance of finding the cure but instead of going against Klaus and telling Damon, who has proven that he is capable of keeping secrets from the original Hybrid in the past (*cough* Coffins) he chooses to act all shaky and suspicious making plans with someone Mystic Falls crew Inc. don't trust and goes all out trying to save the guy that keeps trying to kill them.

Number 2- Damon is starting to clue in that something is not right with his younger brother (he first considers compulsion over free will, cause he's Damon and compulsion's what he does) Stefan instead of just telling them why he needs Connor vervains Damon in front of a frantic Elena than steals his daylight ring, a decision which leads to Elena going to the Grill herself.


Oh snap

On a mission, cranky at her boyfriend, scared for her brother, emotions all heightened, unaware of Connor’s true purpose Elena goes to the bar to rescue her baby brother, but in doing so may have just damned them both.

Connor who has been holding out pretty well against the "siege" has managed to kill one hybrid and got his tattoo to grow, while at the same time trying to explain himself to Jeremy and show what destiny has coming for the younger Gilbert.

I felt legitimately sorry for Connor during this episode. Here is guy who use to be normal but due to a supernatural curse and calling has be forced into a life of extreme violence, where he does terrible things like stabbing girls at their fathers funerals for bait and feels the overwhelming need to kill monsters, even ones who use to be his friends without knowing why.

But then he shot Jeremy and I lost all that sympathy I had for the man.

And so did Elena. Cause she killed him. Yes, Elena made her first kill as a vampire. Not out of blood lust but to protect herself and her loved ones. Not that it’s going to matter to Klaus or anyone else who really wanted that cure.

Connor’s death is bad news for everyone at this point. Stefan, who had finally clued Damon in about the cure, appears to have missed the opportunity to save Elena from herself and in the process may have destroyed his relationship with her, Elena is devastated and barely holding herself together at this point so imagine how she’ll be feeling knowing she destroyed her chance at re-humanization and that her boyfriend kept it from her and Jeremy, oh Jeremy welcome to Slayer-hood, be thankful there’s no hell mouth nearby. Or is there?

It looks like even more trouble is coming for the Gilbert siblings.

Jeremy is now wearing the mark of the five, a group supernaturally called to kill vampires and his sister, a vampire, if the end of this episode is anything to go by looks to be suffering the phantasmic consequences of killing a hunter. Or maybe bloody messages appear in their bathroom all the time, I don't know, I don't live there.
　
Thirty second rule

Other stuff that happened that I should probably talk about:

- Poor sweet constantly compelled April. You got a bracelet off the ground and Matt smiled at you maybe that will make up for your lost day in some way.
- Professor Shane and Bonnie worked together to fix her magic problem aka keep her out of Connor's path. I don't know why Bonnie was so happy about it though, I'm pretty sure keeping someone drugged up on special tea for seven hours is a felony.

- Damon trying to rip out Stefan's heart made me miss Elijah. That's probably the wrong reaction to have right?

-Do you have the same feeling that the reign of Stelena is nearly over and that year of Delena is about to take over. (He loves her vampire or not guys!)

- Also are you concerned about Elena’s hunter training sessions with Alaric if that’s how she fights Vampires? (Miss you Alaric and your tunnel researching, bourbon drinking ways)
- Caroline met Hayley and all those heightened jeaously issues she had early season two came rushing back. Your better than that Caroline, remember that.
- Klaus is still managing to boss his hybrids around from Italy but it seems Tyler and Hayley are working on a super secret plan to un-sire all Klaus's hybrids. Because nothing says "I don't do teen drama" like pretending to break up a relationship so someone else doesn't figure out what's really happening behind their back.
- Lets all grieve that hybrid who went into the bar and tripped a werewolf spit bomb than had his heart blown out by a shot gun. We are really going to miss... you.
- Does the fact that Jeremy is now going to have a hunter's mark growing on his arm and torso mean he is going to be shirtless more often? I'm asking for a friend.

Ok, that's it for Season 4 episode 5. If you guessed Elena as the titular "Killer" congrats, your prize episode 6, Wahoo!

Until next time remember, secrets are bad and if a strange mark magically appears on your hand, try hand sanitizer before panicking.

xoxo

Hanniebee.