5 Seasons Worth of episodes

The Vampire Diaries

Season 5 episode 11 - "500 Years of Solitude"

Dear Diary,

Once upon a time in a land called 2009 a television show lets called it "The Vampire Diaries" first came to air.

Now this was a dark and hostile time for a vampire in or on television. You see the kingdom of Teen Fandom had already ravished in the years before,  leaving the world, the Internet and it's people weary of blood suckers and their complicated love lives.

But through the Breaking Dawn a beacon of light and amazing eye brows broke through the fake fog and hope in the young adult hot monster franchise was renewed.

With breakneck pacing and compelling twists, an amazing and supernaturally attractive cast, fangtastic writers The Vampire Diaries sucked viewers in and has kept them entertained for 100 hundred bourbon soaked heart reaching bone snapping white oak stake stabbing bewitching episodes.

100 episodes is an important milestone for a television series (one most and many shows never get a chance to enjoy, miss you Pushing Daisies forever) which can be used to move important plots along, kill main characters or blow things up. Many a macguffin or set or actors income has been sacrificed to the 100th episode.

But most of the time these episode are a celebration of the show we love and the fans who have kept it alive and 500 years of solitude as everything you could hope for and would expect from the creators and cast of the Vampire Diaries.

My sister and I have been fans of the Vampire Diaries since its creation. We have watched ever episode, read the books, debated and discussed the important and finer points of plot and character development (Flashback Elijah hair vs Modern day haired Elijah go...) and even used a day of our grand America vacation to travel to Georgia to go to Covington and see when the show is filmed (we never made it past the airport car rental but that is a depressing story that is only known between us, the car rental airport jerks and my therapist) before eventually getting to see the power of Ian Somerhalder, Paul Wesley and Joseph Morgan at Comic Con.

In short we kind of like and love this show and I just want to take a moment to thank the writers, actors, producers, directors,hair stylists, Craft service people and everyone who has worked so hard to make this amazing show.

Now lets tear the episode to pieces.

-One episode: One Hundred Words-

Katherine. Flash Back. Baby. Nadia. Clear. Stefan. Katherine. Death. Soon.
Elena. Sad. Damon. Sad. Jeremy! Matt! Break Up Breakfast. Drinking. Phone Call.
Shots. Seasons one - five. Drinking. More Drinking. Stefan. Hero Hair.
Leave Matt alone. Nadia. Didn't leave Matt Alone.
Blackmailed. Scandalous Sex. Bye Jeremy's arms.
Damon. Bedside torment.
Volunteered kidnapping. Travelers. Buckets. Blood
Jenna! Uncle John. Elijah!!! Bye Elijah.
Flash back hair. Destiny.
Klaus. Woods. Matt's safe (get it ) Rebekah.
Nadia. Neck snap. Magic lesson. Redemption?
Klaroline. Confession. Hot.
Stefan. Katherine. The End. Forgiveness.
Vicki. RIC!!! Tyler. Gang's here.
Elena. Katherine. Forgiveness.
Unfinished business. Magic.
Doppelgänger hijinxs to ensue.

-Getting busy living or get busy drinking-

500 Years of Solitude takes us on a simple journey - the death, the redemption and/or the damnation of Katherine Piece.

If the show ever had a lynch pin it would be #KatherineFiece therefore it only seems right that her glamorously un-glamorous demise is what brings characters past, present and spined off back to the fold.

While her sins our numerous and horrifically drinking game worthy you cannot imagine the Vampire Diaries without Katherine and Nina Dobrev captivating portrayal and though I saw the end twist coming I'm not disappointed and i'm glad Katherine will get to live another day.

Even before her first flashback appearance she was the reason Damon came back to town and made sure Caroline made it past the second season and made he cure story line worthwhile and Without her (and Julie Plec) we would not have The Originals and Daniel Gillies and Joseph Morgan and Charles Davis every week to observe for historical purposes every week. She also gave us the moonstone and killed Jeremy's arms but lets not talk about that right now.

Through KP's life flashes, Damon's parting visions and the thing that is Bonnie anchor-hood we are presented with a love letter to the show and characters. There is the return of dead and beloved character (RIP ALARIC - I think I miss you most of all) the appearance of old beloved and only kind of dead Characters (Klaus, Beks, Tyler, Caroline's personality) combined with the usual mix of love triangle, angst, action, romance, call backs, plot twists, neck snaps and not getting concerned over the most important plot point that would probably come back to bite you in the butt.

Lessons learnt from the Vampire Diaries #100: Question why the mysterious witch tourists want a bucket of your blood. It cannot be good.

-Right Place, Right Time, Right Body-

- While the battle between Delena and Stefena fans will reign eternally out living us all this new twist is going to do much to breath life and freshness into what is becoming a stale premise. After all the torment Damon put Katherine through on her deathbed and the hearts she draws around Stefan's name I don't think Katherine is going to reconcile with the eldest Salvatore the way Elena was just planning to anytime soon (You may get away with taunting the deaths of all her relatives but brandish fake Elijah Mikelson in front of a girl and you sir deserve the befuddlement about to befall you)

- The crying points: Katherine as her child is taken away, Katherine talking with her daughter now, When Stefan helps give Katherine Peace, The Salvatore heart to heart, RIC!!! Always R

- "Hes talking about me isn't he"

- "Put the pillow down Damon"

-"I'll save it for the funeral we probably wont have for you"

- Klaus and Caroline win all the points, ever there are no more points to give because they have them all. Why is Klaus not allowed to kiss more people.

- Where were Jeremy's arms. We are simple people with simple needs.

- I like to imagine Enzo is off somewhere just narrating things.

- Its been 100 hundred episodes can we please stop hurting Matt.

Till next time diary,

Cheers xx

You should have bought a squirrel

The Vampire Diaries

Season 4 episode 11 – “Catch me if you can”

Dear Diary,

A vampire, a hunter and a Quarterback walk into a bar. They are greeted by a hybrid who has just killed every single person in the bar and is waiting for them to transition. The Hunter is shocked and appalled, as is his friend the quarterback. The vampire however is very non-plus about the whole thing he’s all “rah rah it’s the only way rah rah I want to sleep with your sister again rah”

The hybrid tells them that the hunter is to kill all the new vampires to complete the magic marker etching on his arm.

The hunter goes “this is a cure must be a really big deal for you?”

The hybrid rallies back “Not really, you should see me when something important is at stake!”

Hello, hello is this thing on. Ok, I might just compel you to forget that. You’re on vervain. I thought everyone had run out...........

WELCOME to season 4 episodes 11 of The Vampire Diaries, entitled “Catch me if you can.”

The Original Status: Was a movie, than a musical now it’s the name of this episode.

We open in the same situation we were in last week, like if there was a seven day break in between but nobody moved. Mystic Falls time, am I right?

What follows is a completely and fully compelling hour of television that leaves you wishing you had a Tardis on hand to whisk you onto the next instalment to find out what happens next (I lost my Tardis somewhere around the Triassic period, don’t tell my mother she doesn’t know I prefer it stay that way.)    

It’s a race!

Competition can be a good thing. It makes you work faster, push harder but it can also be dangerous. The movie Rat Race (from which this recap gets its name I thank you) while being very, very funny also highlights what people are willing to do when an unknown power offers them something they really, really, really want, while never questioning why they were given the opportunity in the first place. In the movie’s case it was John Cleese and a million dollars, in the case of the Vampire Diaries, it’s a crazy vampire-hating brotherhood and the possibility of a cure for what ails some of them.

There are three four teams currently in the race for the cure- Team “we are doing this for Elena,” Team “we hate our brothers,” Team “the boss is crazy, but he has his reasons,” and the newest runner Team “we make our minions bite out their own tongues than die.”

Every single one of them has their reasons and they are willing to do anything to get it.

The idea of the cure for vampirism has been dominating the lives of our Scrappy Gang since the season premiere (Bonnie went to the spirit world remember) and has reached such a fever pitch that nothing else matters to each group except getting it before someone else, so they can control its use. Even the moral compass of the show is willing to go to the extremes to get the magic spell (or drink or lotion- what is the cure even, can they share it, do they get a choice once it’s out in the open, why should they trust a the cure devised by a bunch of people designed to wipe out vampires? no-one asks these questions.)

A terrible, very not good, but it might work idea

A season back there was the question thrown around would, destroying an original vampire be worth killing the thousands of potentially innocent vampires like Caroline or “Stefan.” Was taking out the many worth it to save the lives of the few vampires they knew. At the time the answer was no (many because they didn’t know who belonged to what bloodline but still) this just a hop, skip and a car crash and sire bond later and suddenly the 1/5 of the world’s vampire population’s got to go.

This is a really fascinating and dark turn for Elena, that I love and I hope they address. Elena who has received a lot of (and often well-deserved) flack for her decisions and choices throughout the series run but in one pronouncement our lady of compassion has just decided to take out an entire line of vampires to save a few people, get a cure that she never really stated out right that she actually wanted and get her boyfriend back.

This show!

We’re the Mystic Falls police force. We don’t need jurisdiction.

Across town this episode in the land of equal poor decision making, Bonnie, who we learnt was very much under the thrall of Professor Shane, was also making a turn towards the dark side.

We know Shane is crazy, April and Rebekah know Shane is crazy and now the Mystic Falls high council know he’s crazy and they are not too happy about it. Does he know how long it took them to put their secret vampire-covering up club together, a really long time.

Bonnie, who put a lot of trust into a guy who drugs her with magic tea and gives her human bone as a present is unhappy to learn that he has not been giving her the full 411 on how dangerous her magic can be and is even more upset to learn that he killed a whole bunch of people.

This is when “Dark-Willow” Bonnie kicks in and it is scary and awesome.

What Stefan looks like when he doesn’t look like usually looks like to us

Other stuff that happened:

- “You don’t know what I look like when I’m not in love with you” may be the single greatest line ever. Sassy un-ripper Stefan was a delight to behold over the hour. He was snarky, he was sexy, he was angry, he was hurt, he was sexy.
-Stefakeh, Rebfan, Stebekah. Any other suggestions?
-All my nightmares start with Matt running through the woods and nearly being killed by a vampire so the first few seconds of this episode were not a good time for me.
-I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY don’t want them to kill Kol. He is just doesn’t want a monstrous man-witch unleashed on earth is that so wrong. As I stated before everyone is so wrapped up in finding the cure that they haven’t every thought of checking whether Kol is right about the danger of Silas. Dark, evil Bonnie is fun but has she every question or pushed harder to get Shane to open up why he wants this tomb unearthed. It’s all well and good to be human again but if Silas is as bad as he seems, maybe a few of them may want to reconsider staying immortal for a bit longer. Plus Kol used zeal in a sentence, don’t kill him.
-The most unintentionally hilarious thing ever- Damon running after Jeremy in the tunnels shouting that he was compelled and was going to kill him.

That is it for episode 11.  Until next time: Who was the behind the mystery team – Elijah, Katherine or Eric Northman? Will Kol make it to the spin-off series? What happened to Jeremy’s white tank top? These are important things we need to know!

Stay safe in the Gilbert house my friends ‘til we meet again or until a vampire compels us to think that we saw each other but we really didn't,

XOXOX

Hannie Bee 

Don't you forget about me

The Vampire Diaries
Season 4 episode 10 - "After School Special"

Dear Diary,

Carol Lockwood was dead to begin with.

In a swell of blood and violence and ironic, well chosen Christmas music, she left this world, free to play the mum of a different character on another supernatural show ( Teen Wolf forever!!) and once again, like many times before (see seasons 1 to 3) we are left with a void in Mystic Falls adulthood-dom.

If there ever needed to be a public service announcement in Mystic Falls, and really there should be many, it would have to be that in The Vampire Diaries: No parent is safe.

On that note, welcome Bonnie's Dad. We'll miss you.

Episode 10 opens in the midst of a memorial service for the late and great Mayor. There are candles, there are extras, and everyone’s sad but also grateful that there is no need to hold an election after this thing, because that's just how they roll.

But what is this, an intruder, at the Mystic Falls High school gym, someone call the guards. Yeah, I know there are no guards J but still there is an intruder, her name is Rebekah. She is displeased.

She’s also a gossip, two things that when put together are the touchstone of a truly phenomenon episode of television.

Not since the Breakfast club or any other teen drams that tried to emulate moments from the Breakfast Club, has so much heartbreaking, soul crushing honesty be sprouted within the walls of a school library. Though instead of a dance montage for our main characters, we have life or death chase scenes, water boarding and bone breaking werewolf shifting, but it’s kind of the same thing.

Magic daggers get pulled out all the time the world is an imperfect place

A lot had happened in Mystic Falls since Beks was unceremoniously put on hiatus by Stefan and Klaus all the way back in episode four, a simpler but sadder time, where Jeremy Gilbert’s arms were not needed as a part of the shows story main arc (a sad, sad time indeed.)  

Planning to play catch up Rebekah, used her new minion ally April, lured Elena away from the Mayor’s vigil and snapped herself right back into the thick of things (I think Connor would have appreciated that)

If your team Stelena I’d recommended skipping forward a few paragraphs because what goes down between the young Miss Gilbert and her first Salvatore suitor, is not pretty in pink, or any other colour.

Rebekah’s plan is a simple one, compel and destroy. And that she does.

Poor, poor Stefan, guess Katherine turning you and your brother into creatures of the night is not looking like to worst way to end a love triangle now.

That being said everything Elena was compelled to reveal about her feelings for the Vampchester brothers, no matter how brutal, was understandable. Damon made her feel alive where Stefan acts like maybe she was better off having stayed dead. She still loved Stefan but was in love with Damon.

That’s cool I get it, love, choices, yadda yadda but having to hear that the love of your life (who you were prepared to sacrifice your immortality for, as Rebekah kindly shared) and your brother (who you did sacrifice your freedom and succumbed to your worst self to save) were happy little vegemites as bright as bright can be, sire bond or not, would be utterly devastating.

Every single beat of these moments between Elena and Stefan was played beautifully by Nina Dobrev and Paul Wesley. The heartbreak, the anger, the confessions, from Elena’s love declaration to Stefan’s wish to forget he ever met her, were masterfully portrayed and made the scenes in the library more than just exposition.

Vampires move pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, they will eat you

Ok in other news, Jeremy’s arms. Ok, Matt’s arms. Jeremy arms, Matt’s arms, are we sure that this wasn’t actually the Christmas episode?

The Gilbert’s lake house was only a slightly less depressing place to be this episode.

Damon was still struggling with the “sire bond” in the room, listening to a saved phone message from Elena over and over again, taking the high road to growing Jeremy’s hunter’s mark rather than Klaus’s suggestion of murder and mayhem.

But that all quickly went out the Pizza girl’s car window. Following Elena’s confession of love (which was wonderful, how amazing is Ian Somerhalder’s face, honestly when he looked up at sky so happy I lost it) the eldest Salvatore suddenly found himself back on the dark side of the force once again.

Now is the sire bond a bad thing, YES, it’s very bad, go away, but if you have been holding out for it to become an interesting part of the show’s main story I think we are nearly there.

Elena has always been a big supporter of free will and while she claims to be ok with staying under the sire spell if that means being with Damon, how is she going to feel if Damon abuses the sire bond connection and orders her to be ok with the deaths of a bar full of citizens and putting her brother and one of her best friend’s in grave danger?

That’s all folks, just one last thing: The Originals Spinoff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m slightly excited.

Thank you for reading and hope you’ll join me again next week for episode 11: “Catch me if you can: the continuing tale of Jeremy Gilbert's biceps”

Remember we're all pretty bizarre. Some of just have the ability to compel you into forgetting it better, that’s all.

XOXO,

Hannie Bee

Taking this one to the grave

The Vampire Diaries

Season 4 episode 5 - "The Killer"

Dear Diary,

I know it's been awhile, a long while, at least a week, I had a cold but mostly I wasn't sure that I wanted to write this down, you see I’m not a vampire. I know! Just a writer who cares too much about the lives of fictional characters, their drama and the emotional love triangle that threatens to tear the internet apart. I mean I'm fine with it, being a vampire seems like a lot of fun but
honestly it'd be a lot of hassle without a daylight ring (I don't know any witches) and I'd never ever have enough wet wipes to keep my mouth clean, it's just that, everyone else was writing in their diary this episode and I was feeling a little left out. We good. Phew. Ok, now the episode.
　
Can you keep a secret?

The name of the game this hour was secrecy, even if very few characters realised it until the episode's end.

Professor Shane was keeping Connor in the dark about his hero origin story, Stefan and Klaus were keeping knowledge of the cure to themselves, Tyler and Hayley were keeping their real relationship status and mission from Caroline and Klaus, everyone was keeping everything from April and poor, beautiful Jeremy Gilbert realised he had been compelled again (he should really be sculling vervain hourly at this point shouldn't he)

Since no-one in Mystic Falls has yet to learn that keeping secrets is bad and terrible for one's health, the carefully built lies that they have all constructed for themselves imploded with explosive side effects.

RIP Connor. Goodbye Elena's sanity. Hello Slayer Jeremy.

Up in My Grill

We open "The Killer" with Connor dumping the head of his formally pierced, formally alive hybrid guard onto the table of his looted caravan. After a quick debrief with Professor Shane we learn that Connor was sent to Mystic Falls, land of a thousand Vampires, blind as a bat to learn about hybrids and Originals on the fly (Professor Shane, you’re a teacher, sending you in student unprepared and getting mad at them for failing the assignment, bad form.)

"I've written three books" Shane had promised Connor answers regarding his new ink (the hunter unaware of the tattoos map like qualities) but only once the mystical tattoo is complete.

The new plan: send Connor back to Mystic Fall's only restaurant, kidnap the last remaining humans on the show and take out all the vampires/hybrids needed to finish the magical ink print. Connor will learn his life purpose, Shane does whatever the hell he is going to do with this information and a whole lot of non-series regulars will have to start looking for work again, it's a simple plan right?

Ha, newbie’s there are no simple plans in Mystic Falls.

Once Connor sounds the alarm via mass text message (destroying a piece of product placement as he goes) the troop’s ensemble for mission "Save the Humans.” Unfortunately one member of the Scrappy gang was not being a team player.

Stefan having learnt about the Brotherhood of Merry Hunter’s last episode has made it his life's purpose to cure Elena of the vampirism that ails her but is being “forced” by Klaus to keep it a secret.

It is from this point on that the show's title could be changed from the "Vampire Diaries" to “Stefan Salvatore’s lessons in bad decision making."

Number 1- He knows that they can't kill Connor if they want a chance of finding the cure but instead of going against Klaus and telling Damon, who has proven that he is capable of keeping secrets from the original Hybrid in the past (*cough* Coffins) he chooses to act all shaky and suspicious making plans with someone Mystic Falls crew Inc. don't trust and goes all out trying to save the guy that keeps trying to kill them.

Number 2- Damon is starting to clue in that something is not right with his younger brother (he first considers compulsion over free will, cause he's Damon and compulsion's what he does) Stefan instead of just telling them why he needs Connor vervains Damon in front of a frantic Elena than steals his daylight ring, a decision which leads to Elena going to the Grill herself.


Oh snap

On a mission, cranky at her boyfriend, scared for her brother, emotions all heightened, unaware of Connor’s true purpose Elena goes to the bar to rescue her baby brother, but in doing so may have just damned them both.

Connor who has been holding out pretty well against the "siege" has managed to kill one hybrid and got his tattoo to grow, while at the same time trying to explain himself to Jeremy and show what destiny has coming for the younger Gilbert.

I felt legitimately sorry for Connor during this episode. Here is guy who use to be normal but due to a supernatural curse and calling has be forced into a life of extreme violence, where he does terrible things like stabbing girls at their fathers funerals for bait and feels the overwhelming need to kill monsters, even ones who use to be his friends without knowing why.

But then he shot Jeremy and I lost all that sympathy I had for the man.

And so did Elena. Cause she killed him. Yes, Elena made her first kill as a vampire. Not out of blood lust but to protect herself and her loved ones. Not that it’s going to matter to Klaus or anyone else who really wanted that cure.

Connor’s death is bad news for everyone at this point. Stefan, who had finally clued Damon in about the cure, appears to have missed the opportunity to save Elena from herself and in the process may have destroyed his relationship with her, Elena is devastated and barely holding herself together at this point so imagine how she’ll be feeling knowing she destroyed her chance at re-humanization and that her boyfriend kept it from her and Jeremy, oh Jeremy welcome to Slayer-hood, be thankful there’s no hell mouth nearby. Or is there?

It looks like even more trouble is coming for the Gilbert siblings.

Jeremy is now wearing the mark of the five, a group supernaturally called to kill vampires and his sister, a vampire, if the end of this episode is anything to go by looks to be suffering the phantasmic consequences of killing a hunter. Or maybe bloody messages appear in their bathroom all the time, I don't know, I don't live there.
　
Thirty second rule

Other stuff that happened that I should probably talk about:

- Poor sweet constantly compelled April. You got a bracelet off the ground and Matt smiled at you maybe that will make up for your lost day in some way.
- Professor Shane and Bonnie worked together to fix her magic problem aka keep her out of Connor's path. I don't know why Bonnie was so happy about it though, I'm pretty sure keeping someone drugged up on special tea for seven hours is a felony.

- Damon trying to rip out Stefan's heart made me miss Elijah. That's probably the wrong reaction to have right?

-Do you have the same feeling that the reign of Stelena is nearly over and that year of Delena is about to take over. (He loves her vampire or not guys!)

- Also are you concerned about Elena’s hunter training sessions with Alaric if that’s how she fights Vampires? (Miss you Alaric and your tunnel researching, bourbon drinking ways)
- Caroline met Hayley and all those heightened jeaously issues she had early season two came rushing back. Your better than that Caroline, remember that.
- Klaus is still managing to boss his hybrids around from Italy but it seems Tyler and Hayley are working on a super secret plan to un-sire all Klaus's hybrids. Because nothing says "I don't do teen drama" like pretending to break up a relationship so someone else doesn't figure out what's really happening behind their back.
- Lets all grieve that hybrid who went into the bar and tripped a werewolf spit bomb than had his heart blown out by a shot gun. We are really going to miss... you.
- Does the fact that Jeremy is now going to have a hunter's mark growing on his arm and torso mean he is going to be shirtless more often? I'm asking for a friend.

Ok, that's it for Season 4 episode 5. If you guessed Elena as the titular "Killer" congrats, your prize episode 6, Wahoo!

Until next time remember, secrets are bad and if a strange mark magically appears on your hand, try hand sanitizer before panicking.

xoxo

Hanniebee.

Wigging Out

The Vampire Diaries

Season 4 episode 4 "The Five"

Dear Diary,

Through feverish eyes and disgusting germs, did I watch the world of the Vampire Diaries this week. So there is a very slight possibility that I'm not sure whether what I saw was real or my imagination.

Elijah showed up this early in the season, so you understand why I'm afraid that this all might have just been in my head. But I digress.

If the five hunky, hunky shirtless men standing in a circle getting superman hunter powered tattoos from lightening as they tried to summon Captain Planet was wrong, then I'm not sure that I want to be right.

Because this episode was so right. Great even. Awesome sauce some would say, ok I'm getting carried away, it was good but I'm partial to flashbacks, costume parties, Jeremy Gilbert, badass vampire hunters and the aforementioned Original Vampire showing his pretty, pretty face, so I guess I would have been good if everything else was terrible anyway. Luckily it wasn't. Or was it. What show was I watching again? Cold Medicine. Cookie Monster. Let's continue.

A rip, roaring good time

I would like to use the start of this recap/review thing to issue an official warning and apology to the students of Whitmore College.

Start saying goodbye to loved ones, draw up a will, hunker down with in basement somewhere with a whole bunch of supernatural weaponry and all the vervain you can carry because by the end of season 5 (yeah they're not cancelling this, I'm calling it) I'm so very, very sorry but most of you will either be dead, undead or have discovered some sort of mystical ability or destiny that you never knew you had but can be explained through a series of flashbacks.

Them's the brakes, kids. The Mystic Falls teens and friends are coming for you, starting now.

Bonnie, last seen magical less and despondent over re-killing her grandmother had been summoned to the campus by a Professor Shane, who had taken over Jasmine Guy's classes and proceeded to go through all her stuff.

Damon and Elena decided that this trip would be the perfect opportunity to learn how to snatch, drink and erase so she doesn't keep doing things like TRYING TO KILL MATT. Just because I'm sick doesn't mean I forget.

So Bonnie went an chatted up the young teacher who looks like he drinks purple nurples while throughout the day Damon tried to teach Elena the finer art of snacking without permission, which I'll gloss over quickly cause its icky and will bring back memories of Caroline and Andie and cause me to ramble and rant and take me totally off point so they look at all their costumes aren't they pretty (Though if Damon had wanted to go as a true Ripper, he should have dressed up as Giles.)  

Damon's blood getting lesson is simple: stoners to hot, geeky girls to cold, blondes and frat boys just right.

It's at the Murder House party  that night that Elena finally loses her inhabitations and really start to enjoy this whole vampire thing with Damon is right there to enjoy it with her. This leads to another steamy musical moment between Elena and the eldest Salvatore right before Bonnie comes back and shoots judgement daggers at them with her eyes.

They like to dance Bonbon, chill.

The moment was over though and Elena, upset over giving into her blood lust and into her other kind of lust, was right back at hating her afterlife once again. If only her boyfriend knew away to get her humanity back...

The Sword and the Brawn

Oh wait maybe he does. Yes that's right book fans and haters of blood drinkers and fun there could be a cure for vampirism somewhere out there.

It seems that the brotherhood of the five (our friends at the episodes start) many moons ago were given a visible than invisible tattoo map that can only be deciphered by a decoder ring found in ancient cereal boxes or on their swords and which according to legend or Rebekah who is a legend (see what I did there) leads to a "weapon" or cure that will turn any Vampire back into a human being.

Yay?

Um maybe, not, no. That's probably not a good thing. And I don't imagine many of the other characters will feel the same way. Yes, Elena and Stefan might want to grow old and wrinkly with Klaus's blessing but I'm sure if it came down to it be all or nothing. The original hybrid may not be so keen about losing his vampiric edge.

Now this is only my idea, I have no idea what is going to happen but I'd like to think that there is a "sun and moon stone" style twist coming with the cure, because what would the vampire diaries be without the vampires?

Again MY IDEA, I know nothing, this is guessing, no spoilers, don't get mad-
What if the witch who did the spell was really sneaky and is the "cure" is basically bait to get the vampires to help find and use the weapon that would wipe them all out. Imagine it, vampires from all over the world fighting to get this mystical cure only to discover psych, it’s your downfall.

What makes this storyline so exciting is that anything could happen. There are a million possibility or paths that the writers could go down that would be equally awesome. At this point we could finish the season having cured the wrong vampire, started a civil war amongst the ghost watchers, killed off a line of potential slayers and have half the cast living in a shoe behind a bar in Bon Temp. Ok maybe not the last one, but you know what I mean, the goings getting good.

Hybrids, what are they good  for...Absolutely nothing.

Now the rest of the episode:

-      Stefan learns from Damon that Connor is still alive.

-       Stefan goes to confront Klaus who has just finished off another part of his sister’s self-esteem in an attempt to get her help with something.

-       Connor is strapped to a wooden torture thing in the middle of Klaus’s living room. No-one is in a hurry to get him down. We thank them for that. The man is buff.

-       There is lots of talking and plotting and more compulsion than poor April’s brain can probably handle at this point.

-        Two originals and Stefan eat another fancy dinner. Klaus is mean, Rebekah is sad. Stefan can name a million another people he would rather be eating dinner with. I’m sure one of them is Elijah.

-        Flashbacks ensue.

-        It seems poor Rebekah has always had tragic taste in men. At least she didn’t have to buy Alexander a truck.

-        Klaus has kidnapped Jeremy and stolen his magic bling. I shout to leave Jeremy alone, nobody listens.

-        Jeremy draws the tattoo that graces Connors beautiful, beautiful arm as they talk about how Connor was chosen and Jeremy’s potential slayerhoodem. He doesn’t know why this happened to him. I have violent flashbacks to a season of potential slayers and have to take a moment to recover.

-        I’m still a little out of it at this point and am finding it hilarious that this episode is season 4 episode 4 and is called “The Five” I get over that quickly.

-       We learn that the tattoo is a key to a map to a path to a meadow where they have to walk three hundred paces and turn anti-clockwise while singing loudly. Riley Poole is somewhere thinking "Why can't they just say - go to this place and here is the treasure; spend it wisely?"

-       Klaus wants the sword. Rebekah knows where it is. Stefan tricks Rebekah. We say goodbye to Rebekah again for awhile. I am kind of hating Stefan at this point.

-       Klaus takes off for Italy and makes Stefan pinkie swear to make sure no one remembers anything about the cure and that he keeps it a secret.

-     Connor still chained up in the red room of pain bites the piecing out of a hybrid minions ear and uses it to pick his locks and unchain himself. He then proceeds to behead said minion with those chains, therefore earning himself a place in the “Sam Winchester hall of badass vampire beheadings.”

-      Connor then goes to his “friends” house to ask why he never called once he got to Mystic Falls-the happiest town on earth. Oh yeah the friend is Bonnie’s Professor Shane. Mind Blown.

That’s it for “The Five” I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did and could make sense of  my flu-ridden rambling mess above.

Until next episode, if you’re going on a feeding frenzy at a Murder House remember to take some wipes for your mouth. It’s only manners.

Hanniebee

Beer Bad

The Vampire Diaries

Season 4 episode 3 - "The Rager"

Dear Diary,

Do you ever wonder about the neighbourhood you live in or the school you go to?

What you neighbours are like? Do your classmates have any secrets? What is the usual expected recovery rate of an eighteen year old who has been shot in the chest with a wooden stake? Should you tell anyone when fellow students start throwing pencils and snacking on each other in the middle of class, or is that just none of your business?

These are the sort of questions I'm sure many of the students and townspeople of Mystic Falls must ask themselves all the time.

Imagine what they must think of our main characters. Doesn't Elena seem different lately? What language is Bonnie muttering in? Where has Mr Saltzman gone? How did I get this massive neck wound?

Or maybe have they all gone into a state of mass denial when it comes to these sorts of things.

The sort of bizarre mind set of people constantly surrounded by madness and unexplainable, scary things that they won't and don't want to admit are actually real.

I call this the “I didn't see that and neither did you" approach.

Many fictional towns have taken to this way of thinking over the years. I'm pretty sure the motto for Sunnydale High was "Dead student or faculty member must be Thursday."
　
Classy

I try not to bring Buffy into discussions about the Vampire Diaries (even though both shows are fantastic and the comparisons are there) but when it comes to actual class attendance the Scooby Gang have the Mystic Falls crew beat hands down.

Elena was in class for five minutes after what I assume is six months absence, is there for five minutes, engages in some mean girl class warfare, leaves after six minutes to go to a party where is seems that every single student who managed to stay alive this long has ditched school, leaving the lone surviving teachers with no one to hang out with.  

Vampire Towns!

I loved all the Mean Girlness this episode. Even though everything was heightened because of the vampireness of the situation, the emotions behind it all felt very real.

Elena was furious at Rebekah. Fair enough. She had killed her. I would be too if the person who had run me off a bridge, inadvertently turning me into a walking killing machine and had killed my last guardian whose classroom I was in for the first time since his death was rubbing it in my face (literally and figuratively.)

And what Rebekah was doing was a total teenage girl move as well. You know that you did something wrong and everyone is mad at you, so instead of making it better you go out of your way to make it worst and have everyone hate you more.

I'm glad though that Rebekah seems to have found a friend in April. Just as long as she stays away from Matt. She is never allowed near Matt again.
　
Explosive revelations

I know that this is a very bad position to take considering that the show I like watching and writing about is primary about Vampires, but I am really liking Connor.

Do I want him to succeed in hunting the vampires of this show, no, but I am enjoying the general awesomeness and efficiency he is displaying, and I imagine I will so right up until the time that someone eats him.

Things we learnt from and about Connor this episode:

-       The Mystic Falls police department is not very good at their job, which isn’t really new information I guess.

-       Werewolf venom can be extracted through the gums.

-       The magical mystery tattoo on his arm can only be seen by other hunters or potential hunters.

-       This means that Jeremy Gilbert is a potential slayer, sorry I mean hunter.

-       He can predict which beer kegs will be transported to an underage/over age high school student’s party.

-       Werewolf venom when mixed with alcohol may have the following side effects: hallucinations, veiny lines appearing beneath your skin, intense emotion breakthroughs, death. If symptoms persist please don’t eat your doctor.

-       He booby traps his RV with exploding arrows.

-       He doesn’t appreciate when those exploding arrows are used against him.

-       He is one of the Five.

What is the Five? Your guess is as good as mine. I’m pretty sure it involves vampire hunters. With tattoos of some kind. There might be five of them.

But have no fear; it looks as if we will find out next episode, which is not only entitled “The Five” but looks like its set to have flashbacks! With Elijah! There will be wigs! I’m already very excited.

　
The not so secret circle

So other stuff that happened this episode:

- Fay! Fay was there. Phoebe Tonkin aka Chloe from the H20 and most importantly Fay from the late and great Secret Circle (miss you secret circle!) arrived on the scene as what we assume as Tyler "Cheating Heart" Lockwood secret paramour Haley. Mermaids, Witches and now werewolves oh my.

- It looks like Klaus might have found a way to Caroline’s heart that doesn't involve body-jacking her boyfriend after all. He also seems to have found another use for Elena, which might not be as romantically motivated.

- The motorcycle ride. The motorcycle ride.

- Love that the all powerful hybrids have been reduced to guard dogs. Why is Klaus so desperate to make more of them again?

-What my notes while watching this episode looked like: STOP KILLING MATT! STOP KILLING MATT! STOP KILLING MATT! It was just a dream. It was just a dream. STOP KILLING MATT! Elena and I will never be friends.

- Stefan and Caroline need to have more scenes together. Same goes for Meredith and Damon. That is all.

That’s it from me. What did you think of “The Rager?”

Do you think the good town folk of Mystic Falls are more clued in about their mystical surroundings then they might let on?

Who do you think would win in a fight between Connor and Buffy? (trick question the answer will always Buffy.)

Until next episode: Remember Alcohol is evil and will make you hallucinate terrible, terrible things like killing awesome guys or making out with your vampire boyfriend's vampire older brother,

hugs and kisses,

Hanniebee

Reaching new heights

The Vampire Diaries

Season 4 episode 2 "Memorial" 

Dear Diary,

So, about this episode. Well, don't I just feel a tad bit silly. Last episode I may have said things like how they didn't give time to mourn Elena, they brushed over her transformation, stop hurting Matt (ok, that I say every episode, but that's only cause they keep doing it) but Whoa, was I wrong, ok sort of, I stand by what I said about "Growing pains" which I really, really did love very much, but sadly I had lost faith, I went through a shocking transformation of my own without the help of some attractive vampire brothers and forgot the Vampire Diaries writer's ability and what wonderfully, masterful people they are and should have known that something this awesome was coming straight up afterwards.

Everything was heightened during this suburb hour of television programming. The suspense, the love triangle, the chemistry, the violence, the blood vomiting, the emotions. So many emotions. I many have cried. A lot. Very, very many tears were shed, particularly during those last two scenes.

Sometimes with television you need episodes that rip your heart right out of your chest and that's exactly what "Memorial" did.

Let's discuss.

Vegan Vampirism

Blood it does the body good does it not? I for one cannot imagine living without it and I'm sure that there are many people who feel the same. 

Vampires however have a little bit of a different relationship to blood than us boring old humans.

While we like to let it simmer inside our veins, do its own thing as we go about doing ours, vampires like to rip it straight out of bystanders throats, gulp it down, go back for seconds than possibly dance around in it for a moment (don't quote me on that) Elena, our intrepid young hero is just now discovering this different reaction to blood and was giving everything the old college try.

Which basically means, she understands the theory, can't do the practical and there was a lot of throwing up involved.

Luckily the newly vamped Miss Gilbert had a lot of teachers and volunteers who wanted to help her in her heightened state. The lessons:

Intro to hunting and gathering: If you went out to the woods that day you were in for a big surprise. You see, Mr Stefan when he is not ripping people apart with his teeth, teaches a day class in how to eat deer, nearly run vamp style and make out up against trees. Unfortunately half way through the lesson, his student Elena, fell ill and had to leave before the final examination. 

That did not put him off though, having been a survivor of the bunny diet for a longish period of time, Stefan just wanted Elena to not have to go through the hell of having killed someone by mistake. Even though unbeknownst to him not drinking fresh human blood was killing Elena instead. It took a few sharp (and rather harsh words) from a still smarting Damon and a proper conversation with Elena where she told him the truth and having to witness her going to town on her ex-boyfriend’s neck in the middle of a semi-hostage style situation, to realise that he had been ignoring the reality of what Elena was actually going through.  

Women's bathroom studies: Damon on the other hand was all over Elena’s eating crisis. Being the vampire brother she turned to when deer would not still right in her stomach. The every chipper and always helpful elder Salvatore took it upon himself to offer his unrequited crush a variety of other alternate snacks, one of which was his own blood supply. This was a BIG deal. Blood sharing between vampires is very personal and very intimate and apparently a very sexy thing (I put forth the bathroom scene as evidence your honour) which didn’t work in helping Elena, but had gained Original Papa Mikael quite a reputation over the centuries. Vampires talk.

How to control your blood lust in two seconds or less: While both Salvatore brothers argued that they knew what was best for the new vamp, a starving Elena who while vomiting up all manner of blood sources still found time to help out with the Memorial for all the dead council members, comfort the guest star and get in a costume change, was rapidly deteriorating to the point that she nearly exposed herself to the town’s new vampire hunter. Luckily Matt, who was still feeling guilty that he was the one Stefan saved, offered a blood supply that Elena was able to keep down.

 –Book Spoiler- One of my favourite moments in the book series was a similar situation to this moment between Matt and Elena, and I was super happy with this version, it was amazing. Amongst all the tension at the church this simple moment of one friend sacrificing apart of himself to save the other- ok you can look again-

Compulsion and not snacking on the guest stars 101: The final lesson came from the always awesome Caroline Forbes, who really should have been in charge of this thing from the get go. In a moment of weakness Elena nearly killed the new girl in town April Young (Grace Phipps) the spunky daughter of Pastor Young who had tried to kill everyone than killed everyone else. It was Caroline who brought her back from the edge and even taught her fundamentals of compulsion in the process. Caroline is the best.
　
　
The guy with the white oak tattoo

Now the cause of all the heightened tension on Memorial Day. The new vampire hunter Connor Jordon (Todd Williams.) A very welcoming figure on first and second appearance, only attractive people visit Mystic Falls you know that, but just don't shake his hand if you’re a member of the undead or you'll end up with a gut full of lead  (I seriously didn't mean for that to rhyme, but I'm going to leave it.)

The new guy was quick; he was dangerous, he was organised, he shot and stabbed people and hybrids in public, he had “magic” bullets and was a better crime scene investigator than the entire Mystic Falls police force (though to be fair that oven was probably made from the same stuff as the fridge that protected Indiana Jones was the nuclear blast in “Crystal Skull”) He also had a magical tattoo that shared the same symbol as the “magic” bullets and looked like it had tree branches going up his arm (the white oak tree will never die) and could only be seen by psychically charged Jeremy Gilbert. I have never been more excited and scared for Jeremy in my life.

In remembrance

And then we were left with the final two scenes of Memorial.

I guess I know I have a heart cause it's breaking.

While there may have not have been enough time was grief amongst all the heightened action last episode, but the writer's took the time, where other shows may not have, to remember all the characters lost along the way. It highlighted where all the characters were coming from and what they were now letting go. 

Even if Damon was not into the lantern ceremony I was (Jeremy's list may have been the saddest thing ever, plus RIP Uncle Zac.)  But that was ok; Damon had other places to be. He needed to talk to his best friend.The friend whose chair he had made sure stayed empty throughout the day, the friend who had left him all alone to babysit the kids, the friend who was there with him, listening to every word, feeling his pain and loneliest even though Damon didn't know he was there.  Well played, Julie Plec well played.

I'm just lucky computer screens can't show tear stains that way that paper can. That would be embarrassing.
　
Until next time, I'll miss you guys too,

xoxox

Hanniebee